I came across an article on FemPositive that refers to a viral video on TikTok (and not viral for good reasons) where a man proceeds to explain why strong and independent women are single. While I found the individual who made the video to be repugnant, he does make a few valid points–though I am not sure they are the ones he intended to make.
He claims that strong and independent women are single because of feminism. This is something I’ve always known, and his existence backs it up. Yes, his existence, not the content of his video.
What I mean by this is that I’ve known for some time that men, especially so-called Alpha males as this guy calls himself, are extremely intimidated by strong women, as if a woman being strong makes him less of a man. Please. Personally, I find more feminine men to be stronger men than those who see themselves as uber masculine, but because only a man who is secure in his masculinity has the courage to show his feminine side, but I digress.
The man continues on to say that feminism teaches women they are queens (I prefer goddesses-see my goddess blog), but that we aren’t, and this expectation sets us up for failure, which where Alpha males are concerned is completely true. Alpha males cannot tolerate an Alpha female, who knows what she wants and is brave enough to go out and get it.
He continues to say that the expectation is for men to pay (which he agrees with), but that in exchange, the woman should obey her man.
I left that sentence on its own because to me, it packs a huge punch. I haven’t let a man pay for me (with very rare exceptions) since high school for this exact reason. There seems to be a misconception that men paying equals them getting whatever they want from a woman (at least to some men), and if we think about it, why else would the man pay anyway? My theory is that it goes back to when women were property owned by their fathers or husbands. Now, I am sure that there are a lot of guys who do not see it this way, and would be appalled by the parallels the man in the video and myself have made. That said, I do find the man paying to be a silly tradition that holds roots in sexism, and so I am against it. I always pay my own way. Always.
Then he comes to the part where nice guys are boring, which I never understood. Well, maybe I do to some degree, but that comes from toxic representations of relationships. Twilight anyone? Or if that isn’t sexist enough, how about Fifty Shades of Grey? These are the models that girls are being raised with as for how relationships are supposed to be. I could write an entire post on Twilight and Fifty Shades and how annoying and disgusting, respectfully, they are, but I cannot count the number of times when I go onto any site with stories and the predominant stories are similar to Twilight and Fifty Shades. Sickening. And that’s because there’s a huge demand for them, because this is what young girls think romance is. No. Just no.
A guy controlling you is not romantic. You realize that by allowing a man to buy you dinner and then tell you what to do you are selling yourself, right? It makes the women little more than a prostitute, and men like this ‘Alpha male’ see us like that already. We have got to start teaching our sons and daughters that women and girls are people, too.
We need to teach young boys how to treat girls, and later women, and we need to teach girls to expect more for themselves and what a real relationship is like, what real romance is like.
I’ll leave off there. As always, I am happy to hear your opinions on this topic–that said, if you do agree with the ‘Alpha male’, this blog may not be for you.